The Words You Never Want to Hear

Words are a strangely powerful thing.  I am strongly affected by words.  Think of how important it is to hear the words “I love you” on a regular basis.  It is so much a part of our culture that we often say it every morning, every night, and every time we leave the ones worth saying it to.  I personally am glad we say it as much as we do.  Life is short, and love is important.

Now, imagine hearing over and over again that you are going to die.  Imagine hearing at every possible opportunity that a doctor has, “We aren't fighting to cure, but only to elongate your life and keep you comfortable for as long as possible.”  Just imagine it. 

Recently, the doctor said two words that generally would be characterized as bad.  “It’s spreading.” In the cancer world, hearing “it’s spreading” is almost never a good thing.  However, this is a good story.  I promise it ends well. 

Meet Regina.  Regina is a wonderful German woman who has lived all over the world.  She has pancreatic cancer and is celebrating the last of her chemo appointments soon.  Regina saw my mom and me when we were dressed in Hawaiian skirts and leis a few weeks ago.  She crossed our paths but we didn't get the chance to meet her at the time.  She felt quietly inspired to join in and choose joy.  When we finally did meet her, Regina was dressed in a vibrant green tutu with a matching green wig.  It was at that moment that our doctor came out to us and said “It’s spreading.” He was talking about the joy!  The joy is spreading! 

Regina put it this way “We can’t always decide what we go through, but we do have a choice in how we go through it.”

As a person fighting terminal cancer, or in my case the caregiver of a person fighting terminal cancer, there are a few things that you don’t want to hear the doctor say.  In a perfect world, we would never have to worry about those things.  This is not a perfect world, and I guess my belief is that we can only do our best with what we are given.  I believe that we can reclaim what is said and sometimes even change it for the better.

Recently my mom heard some other words that you never want to hear.  “We are running out of options.”  The all-encompassing “we.”  I use it all the time.  “We have chemo.” “We have a doctor’s appointment.” “We are trying a new drug.”  At first, I felt very conscious of it.  I don’t have cancer.  Is it offensive to say “we?”  Wouldn’t it be more accurate for the doctor to say “you are running out of options?” And here’s the thing.  Cancer is all-encompassing.  It effects everyone: family, friends, doctors, and even my coworkers.  Cancer not only turned my mom’s life upside down, but mine too.  It’s not offensive to say “we,” it’s almost necessary.  So the statement stands, “we are running out of options.” 

How can we reclaim that though?  Currently, we are on a break from chemo because my mom's numbers were rising.  No chemo means no dressing up.  Are we “running out of options” there too?  

We don’t want to be!  We want to continue to choose joy and show the world our choice.  I keep going back to my mom's original thought "If my silly little story can inspire others, it makes this just a little less hard."  We want to reclaim those words!  Help us to know how!  Comment below with your ideas!  Speak Life.  Choose Joy.  Live a life abundant.